AN OUTSIDER'S VIEW OF BULL BREEDING (cont) by John Darkin

What matters to the farmer however, is that the beast should perform frequently and on demand. It is called mating capacity, and it is the quantity of copulations that's vital rather than the quality of the bull's gratification.

To this end the bulls are tested, and beasts who serve three times or more inside a ten minute period go to the top of the class. Off days are not tolerated and failure to serve at all in ten minutes could spell curtains for the beast in question. He may even die a virgin.

Of course there are other qualities one looks for in a prime bull. he should be taller than he is wide, and narrower than he is long.

His eyes should be located above his spine (and presumably in his head) and he will ideally be fitted with a leg at each corner. Most of all, he will be a goer.

The bull sale season is now in full swing and as a committed carnivore I am indebted to those local

breeders who annually arrange for seeds to be sown that eventually enable us to enjoy the finest meat and dairy produce.The quality of their work is reflected down the line into the shops and appreciated by millions worldwide.

Bulls are in every sense, big business, and nowadays heavily dependent on genetic understanding and computerised management.

The trade can nevertheless be nicely summed up by the promotional catchphrase, "Guts, Buts 'n Nuts". That's what's looked for in the best beasts.

As for the breeders, we hope that both they and their bulls have the balls to carry on the good work.

This story is dedicated to my hard working neighbours.

No Bull.